Tag: Well-Being

Life

Thank ****, 2021 is Finally Over.

Grace M - Writer

I’m not going to sugarcoat it, the past year has been a total and utter shit show. On a personal level, 2021 started off with a mental breakdown, resulting in almost two months off work. Pete’s dad passed away in March after a long battle with blood cancer that went full blown leukaemia. In April, my cat needed emergency vet treatment, and Pete was struggling with burnout. In June I was struggling with high stress levels, ending up in hospital with gastritis. In July, we both contracted COVID, my case was quite mild so I was able to still look after Pete who was laid up for almost a month. We’re both coping now with the long term fatigue that COVID leaves behind. Ok one minute, the next – utterly exhausted. Simple things such as changing the bed linen can wipe me out.

It seemed like a crazy notion when, in July, I applied for a new role at work. It was a step up, more money, more responsibility, but working internally instead of with external clients. I’d been recommended for the role, and took the plunge. Pete was worried I’d be taking on more stress, but I had to at least try, otherwise I’d never know. Thankfully, the new role is working out amazing, less stress, more time to manage workload, a great boss, and a fantastic team.

It was the same with my OU degree course. I felt like I’d missed out on the opportunity when I was younger, and really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I scored 75% on my very first assignment, which I’m really happy with. The course isn’t easy, and it really forces me to stretch my thinking, but I’m so thankful for all that I’ve learned so far.

So, the last couple of months had more positive things happening, but we were both so jaded that by the time it came to preparing for Christmas, it was a real struggle. Christmas spirit was definitely lacking, decorations didn’t go up until about a week before, present buying was uninspired (thank goodness for Not On The High Street!), even Christmas cards were sent out as an afterthought. We had an ok day on the 25th, made a nice dinner, had a few drinks, and opened our presents.

New Year has also been a total non-event. I haven’t celebrated NYE in years, it’s too much hassle. Bouncers on pub doors, entry fees to get in, nowhere to sit, tripled prices. Ugh. This year, we watched Cobra Kai on Netflix, looked at our phones when they hit midnight, said “thank fuck for that”, and went to bed.

I’ve said in previous years that I’m not really one to make resolutions as most people never keep them. Instead, I am going to make the effort to get myself back on track physically, mentally and spiritually. Next year, I hit the big 50, and by that time I want to be in much better place.

I realise this is all a bit doom and gloom, and it’s important to find the positives in a negative situation, but when you’re hit with ever higher mountains to climb, it all gets a bit tiring. However, I am nothing if not resilient, I have been burned to ash, and still I rise.

Writing

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

Grace M - Writer

As I’ve discovered this year, the ups and downs of life are unpredictable. 2021 has been tough, a much harder and challenging year for me than 2020. From my mental breakdown in January, losing my partner’s father in March, to contracting COVID in summer, ending up in hospital with gastritis, and working under increased stress and pressure in the day job, I am amazed that no one’s found me rocking in a corner, a glazed expression on my face!

One thing I have learned from all this is to stop feeling guilty about not meeting my writing deadlines and goals. My writing has been terribly neglected this year, but it’s not what pays the bills, or keeps a roof over my head. It’s an ambition I am trying to fulfill, and has had to take a back seat every so often. When I achieve the luxury of calling writing my day job, it will take absolute priority, but until then I will get to it as and when I can.

That being said, I think about it ALL THE TIME!

My editor is getting back to me in the next few days with notes and edits on my revised opening chapters for Horizon Skies. I don’t know what to expect, but she knows her stuff, and I trust her judgment. If further changes are required, this is something I will have to give careful consideration to.

Sanctuary of Stone needs a rewrite. It’s not an overtly complex story, but it’s directionless. I know what the story is about, how it starts, and how it ends. There’s good stuff in what I’ve written so far, but I’ve come to the conclusion that this is one story I really should have planned out properly.

Daughter of Tomorrow just needs to be picked up again. I love what I’ve written so far, I know exactly where the story is going, and I know how it ends. I do need to do some research into the medical and scientific aspect, but this element won’t be required until the last few chapters. In terms of researching pandemics, well, living through one already provides a glimpse into how society reacts and behaves. From idiots fighting over toilet rolls to the conspiracy, anti-vax nut jobs who’d rather believe what a ten minute Google search tells them, instead of following the advice of ACTUAL scientists, doctors and nurses working in the field.

My studies. In an earlier post, I was excited to start on a Creative Writing course through Open Study College. Ok, I started it, but I lost interest. Without the interaction of working with a tutor, or bouncing ideas around with other students, I was unable to keep up the momentum. I can always go back to it, as I have the study materials, but ultimately, it isn’t the course for me.

Instead, I signed up to do an English Literature and Creative Writing degree with the Open University! Six years part time, and actual classes and forums (online) I can attend with lecturers and other students. So far, I absolutely love it. I’ve submitted my first assignment, taken part in a couple of forums and a day school. As the course is designed to be interactive, I feel more encouraged, plus the fact that I can potentially finish with a BA Hons to my name.

On the job front, an opportunity came up to move to a completely different role. I was reluctant to apply at first as I didn’t want to lose working with certain people, but in the end, I decided to go for it with a “If I get it, great; if I don’t, that’s fine too,” mentality. I submitted my application on the final day after chatting with a few people about it, and it turns out my name had come up as a recommendation. I was successful, and started my new role on the 1st November, and I can already tell it was the right thing to do.

With these changes, I also need to focus on my physical health, which I’ve also been neglectful of. I’ve put on more weight, have back and shoulder issues connected to stress, and don’t feel great. Waking up with aches and pains, not being able to fit comfortably into my clothes (I REFUSE to go a size up!), feeling ugly, and hating myself for letting things get this bad, it’s time I start looking after myself better. Obviously, post-COVID fatigue hasn’t helped, and I need to factor that in, but it’s also not an excuse.

Hopefully, these positive changes are a sign of things to come, but I remain cautiously optimistic…